"Not
only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't
find the middle class."
"The
fact that you've aged 10 years in the last 6 months
isn't accelerated depreciation, it's accelerated decrepidation."
"It
wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting
the owner's assets from a sole proprietorship to a
mutual
fund."
"Sure,
Iv'e got ghost employees, but they're as productive
as my other employees."
"Who
says the government doesn't have a sense of humor.
After convicting you of not filing your taxes, they
made your
inmate number the same as your tax identification number."
"If
my weasel of a husband files as head of household,
it's
tax fraud."
"I
loaf on the job all the time so I figure it's not really
'earned' income."
"How
can it be tax evasion when they caught me?"
"I
hadn't realized the full extent of tax 'cutoff' day."
"It
turns out your tax shelter is more of a tax lean-to."
"This
is the short form"
"I
don't care if you did lose your tail, it's not tax
deductible"
"Bob,
do you have time for a tax audit?"
Desperate
for additional revenue, the Danish government is imposing
a flatulence tax on dairy cows...
"I
can't afford to pay taxes on my cows and pigs,
so I'm trying to pass them off as my employees."
"Day
487: No word of any rescue,
but I am receiving notices from the Internal Revenue
Service
reminding me that I'm late on my taxes."
"I
got the feeling you're struggling with your taxes,
so I took the liberty of hiring you a professional"
"I
realize the Internal Revenue Service opened an expanded
IRS e-file program, but does the surgeon have to use
it now?"
"...and
that, in simple terms, is the new, proposed tax reform
plan."
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